Ah... the age old question.. Both have their benefits and use. It's almost impossible to choose as each one is a different, unique sensation of it's own. It's apples to oranges.
If this was one of those "life or death" hypothetical questions where I have to give a response then... I'm gonna go with Dildo.
A dildo is more versatile. You can stick it in your pussy, you can stick in your ass, you can suck on it, you can wave it around in the air like a sword. Mainly, its a flexible toy. A good one really should be flexible. The right dildo is a huge game changer to any orgasm. As much as I love butt plugs I'll still have a few fingers free to finger my ass when I pick the dildo.
The control. I'm good at it. I'm not the best by all means, There's things I'm still working on but I like impressing not only my partner but myself.
When I suck dick I space off. I don't really think about the moment. It's zen. My own mediation. It doesn't really matter if its dick-dick or dildo-dick. Dick is dick and I love zoning out to it. It's really refreshing!
There was never much inner debate on whether or not it was the right choice, I just knew I wanted to be one. I saw cam girls on pop up ads, the kind that work in studios with little fake bedroom set ups and with everything in me I just knew its that was what I was going to do. I can only remember one friend of a friend who said it was stupid at the time.
I grew up in a peculiar upbringing. My family was always extremely liberal about raising me to choose my own path, they opted to allow me to choose if I wanted to go to Church or not, and things of that nature. My mom actually stripped for a time before she picked nursing back up so "sexy" jobs weren't unheard of to me either.
With no qualms it wasn't really a second thought. I went through and loved it. I tried a few different sites but Chaturbate has always been my favorite.
Healing takes time. It's agonizing, frustrating, and painful every step of the way. Sometimes you never completely feel better no matter how hard you try but life goes on.
If you don't reach out for happiness nobody can help you. You've gotta get out of the mucky pit you are in and remove yourself from as much envrement shared as possible. On a campus, or taking the same classes can make this difficult.
Read new books, watch different movies, try to branch out and focus on new aspects in life. Distractions will ease the mind and take it off those thoughts as much as possible.
With the warmest regards, I hope that you will find peace soon.
One of my first "boyfriends" in middle school was a self proclaimed furry. For many years through-out my middle school years I didn't have internet, thus my knowledge of furries was super limited. I saw his drawings of "yiff" and some normal stuff on paper and really didn't think anything of it. I heard jokes growing up but everyone teases each other so I didn't know the stigma behind furry either.
After that I didn't meet any furries in real life for a long time. I started camming right after leaving high school and didn't think back about it until I started getting into pet play. The progression started from there. I got more curious, started looking at art more often... decided to make my own character.
I still didn't join the furry fandom until just 1.5-2 years ago "officially". Only then did I start commissioning art, and getting the ideas in my head inked on digital paper. I've really fallen in love with the whole thing.
LELO (sorya model preferably but i'm not picky!) hands down. No contest as far as vibrators go. My taste in dildo changes with the season and butt plug I can go with or without.
I always find bigger devices more difficult and needless to use. A pocket rocket is just as effective, if not less tiresome on the hands.